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17th Jan 2006 - BCI vs. MK ED


Match report 1........

Injuries. Too many. Subs were there though, thanks for that. Dan for Rolfe, Matty for Russ. Business matters for Rolfe, can't be helped. We all need to make a living somehow. Russ's ankle's taking an age to recover from that tackle on cup night in December. Nasty business.


The Match. Shaky start, but not the clever dancing legs of Mr. Stevens though. It was quiet, poor coordination of positioning lead to a big black hole in the middle of the park. The Dan Man seemed to be quite wide.


Now there's always a struggle when the opposition have got a single player with very quick feet. The tricks were firing from his gattling gun and leaving us standing. In particular, as Gaz made a misplaced pass or miss kick or just a miss... not sure what he was trying to achieve, but unfortunately with the added lack of support at the back, the Mr. Quick Feet of MKED capitalised just off the 'D' with what could only have been a magical shot 'cos it got past Disco's Wonder Gloves. More about those later.


So we were 1-0 down, and not looking like we wanted to win to be honest. We had little shape, but now and again there were flashes of....well normal ability. I guess the outstanding moment of the match came from Dan, with a few shimmies from midfield and good solo effort taking him to their danger area and completing a clinical finish. 1-1 but not exactly a team performance putting us back in the running. I say outstanding, but only 'cos the lack of entertainment left supporters spending the rest of the match discussing Celebrity Big Brother.


Now I can't really remember what happened after that, other than Faria Alam causing a storm by saying that only white people could possibly win. And that Dennis was blamed for the argument apparently.


But I hear that another defensive error - or lack of defence - or lack of communication - lets just say 'lack' and cover all bases...  lead to another goal from MKED. After that I think I found the bushes more interesting, and notices a little wormy thing chomping away at one of the leaves. Funny little fella he was, a little hairy but mostly brown.


We then went 3-1 down I'm told, no doubt Disco had removed his wonder gloves by this point. And as the result showed 3-2 by the final whistle, I'm assuming we clawed one back towards the end, but you can't rely on the Ref's score keeping, so I might be wrong.


Keeper gloves became an issue, I remember that. New and Improved I'm told... but how something can be new AND improved is unclear. Still, the platinum plates protecting the 'keepers fingers, along with the pure silk lining, the Egyptian cotton wrist straps, the 17crt diamond encrusted Velcro, the breathable white Rhino skin padding and the Dodo feather lined packaging that they were displayed in at the outlet store made them worth their weight in Silverback Gorilla seamen I'm sure.

By Mr Russell Forbes of Bunky Chollox Times.

Match report 2........

BC1 practically handed the title to Athletico Shenley on Tuesday night, with a dramatic defeat at the hands of the mighty MK Ed. 

Following a poor performance, that the Manager was later heard to call ‘the worst ever’, it would be slightly unfair to not recognise that MK Ed., playing some good football, holding strong at the back and taking their opportunities, deserved their win. 

OK, yes, Bunky’s were bad – in fact, had Disco not made a couple of solid saves and Bunky’s not benefited from a disallowed goal, the situation could have been even worse. Maybe. Actually, probably not. It was the worst performance ever – and in those situations it doesn’t matter if you lose 1-0 or 5-0.

 Things started badly just a couple of minutes into the game – and went downhill from there.

 With Matty covering for the injured Russ, Gaz had switched to the left back position and, despite having several options available (ironically, probably the only point in the game that anyone with the ball had any options!), decided he knew best and attempted to bring the ball out, knocking it too far forward and allowing the advancing MK Ed. player to steal the ball, turn and beat Disco at his near post.

 With a history of shouting and calling for ‘Safety First’, I can only surmise that the issue is that particular position. After all, how many times have we seen Russ attempt something ridiculous from the same corner?

 And that was as good as it got ……

 OK, Danny’s equaliser was a bright spot – a rare moment of movement as he drifted in from the left, beat two players and struck the ball low and hard beyond the keeper.

 MK Ed. could have extended their lead well before they did with Disco taking a ball straight in the face and saving another one-on-one, not forgetting the time that they did actually put the ball in the net, only to see it disallowed for encroachment.

 When the goal did come, however, it proved to be their best effort. Somehow, after gently, slowly, carefully, edging down the Bunky’s right, COMPLETELY UNCHALLENGED, they found the time and composure to look up AND SEE BUNKY’S JUST WATCHING THEM and managed to squeeze the ball, with unnerving accuracy, THROUGH THE GREAT BIG HOLE CONSISTENTLY LEFT IN THE MIDDLE, for a first time effort to fly past the static ‘keeper.

 2-1 became 3-1 as they realised a flaw in our positioning …. It was crap. They took full advantage again with yet another goal that could have been prevented … before Sean nicked one back to give a glimmer of hope.

 To emphasis the disarray, the clear substitution guidelines outlined at the start (Rogers on for a midfielder, Daz on for a defender/attacker) were completely ignored, causing further confusion.

 In summary, the passing was poor. The movement was very poor. The finishing was woeful. The first touch was pitiful. The commitment almost non-existent.

 Back in the players lounge after the game, disappointment turned to anger and surprise as it transpired that the entire kitty had been wasted on Nacho’s and Hot Nuts – with just ONE BAG of pork scratchings between eight (This is not what will revive a tired and deflated team, Richard), and then discovered that Disco’s new goalie gloves had cost FIFTY QUID.

 They don’t even work! The only two saves of any note made were with his legs and his face!

 Some discussion after the game seemed to focus on MK Ed. being a bit of a ‘bogey’ team for Bunky’s, well, let’s have a look.

 All in all, the two teams have met 34 times and the records show that BC1 have been victorious on 22 occasions, including one emphatic 7-0 demolition in the league and a Cup Final win. There have been 11 draws and MK Ed. have taken full points in 8 games.

 Conclusive proof, I think, that they are not a ‘bogey’ team – they are just sometimes hard to beat. Like this time.

 All in all and very sad night. Congratulations have to go to MK ED. Commiserations to BC1.

 Still, at least the Fantasy Football points will be a laugh …..

By regular reporter Mr Gareth Davies of the Bunky Chollox Express


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