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Russ's Corner 

Ever wondered why there is no number 3? 

It's because Russ (one of the founding few) up and left for New Zealand a few years back.  He is however more active on the forum than a lot of current players and also has a great knowledge of football so we thought we would give him his own corner to sit in and pen his thoughts.

Click here for his Players Page

11th January 2016

Russ returned to the UK, click here

 

10th January 2011

Waipu Cove, Northlands, New Zealand
 
...it's harder than you think!!
 

 

25th December 2010

Christmas with the girls

 

21st December 2010

Well now let me tell you about an evening of quality football in which I scored a hattrick.... or I could of course just tell you about last nights footy.

Format:

  • - 5 or 6 a side for the first 10 minutes, then 7-a-side when all your players turn the f**k up! So by the time you have your full compliment, you're sweating like a fat lass on the dance floor at 2am, and wheezing like the same fat lass at 4am when she's getting boned by a dweeb half her size.
  • - Over heads
  • - Grass.... yes GRASS for F. Sake!! What's that about!!!
  • - Hockey sized goals... you'd think even I could find the back of one of those!
  • - Throw-ins & corners
  • - Rolling subs (at any point in time regardless of whether anyone else including the ref notices!)
  • - Dumb ass ref. angel

Quite a large venue with about 8 pitches marked out and a club house/bar that would fit into the welsh countryside rugby club type scenario where the close harmony singers get up tight about not being able to speak properly and learn how not to play Rugby. The odd thing about this place in NZ though is that it was actually dedicated to Soccer, and not Rugby... a rare find indeed!!

The weather was humid, the pitches were of a reasonable quality... level overall but not as flat as astroturf so ball speeds were poor. Also, we've had a few days of tropical rain, but I think that helped prevent the mud from being like concrete so I was ok with it. No quarms.

Those who know me may remember my relationship with Ray (does he still ref at Shenley?) as being a little rocky at best. After the 'Flapping bird looking for the likes of Bill Oddie on the side line' comment was struck from the record (Forum) things didn't really improve. So there was no surprise when I piped up just before kick off..."Ref! Do you have another colour?" 'cos the dumb ass had turned up wearing Blue. Probably the second (after Red) most popular colour for a kit. "I'm wearing a yellow cap!" was his reply and from that point, his card was well and truly marked. Especially as our opposition were in blue. The scene was set.

Now I'm not going to go into a whole match report... there's just no need. But during the game there were some noticable differences. Firstly there was more abuse coming from the sidelines towards the ref from players 'mates & girlfriends'... otherwise known as 'the bunch of lardy pacific islander trash too fat to play but big enough to leave their imprint in the grass like a tent when the left after the game'. Racism is prolific here in New Zealand and it can get a little catching... sorry! But my language isn't as bad as theirs was directed at the brave fellow with the whistle.... apparently playing for the other team by colour, but for our team by judgment through ill-prescribed glasses (according to said Islanders!)

A couple of our players had turned up in Blue (perhaps to confuse the ref even further) but they wore green bibs... well one of them did, the other bib just dissapeared after about 2 mins so as a defender, my first glance anaysis of the attack included the ref and one of our own players as a potential threat. If it was my team... we'd have our own full set of bibs, including one bright pink one for the c*nt in the yellow cap!

There was a lack of preparedness by all teams it seamed as none had matching kits... not a single team. And there was no shin-pad rule... which might be why a guy got his leg broken just the week before! Oh and get this..... I noticed a couple of girls playing for some of the other teams...!!! Can you imagine!! Ewwwww!! Girls!!!! No, No, No, No, NO! Well not unless they are HOT anyway. And these were not.

We had a player up front who didn't know how to pass, or shoot, or keep posession, or do anything very well other than grow a big blond beard. (This he did very very well!)  The midfielders were lively and would probably have scored if beard face had passed to them. The defence was a comfort blanket to all of course... I played left-back while 'JT' held the right, moving to central with the attack while I slotted in behind to cover... sound familiar? Well if might to Gaz if he ever reads this.

Oh yes... the score... well it held 0-0 for the first half (15 mins - yes I was f*cked!) and the in the second half a sneeky rolling substitution by the other team took a player off in their half and right behind my back their player walsed on like he'd appeared from nowhere, took the ball from me and after an unpoetic play of ball managed to get it past our 13 year old keeper. I guess it will take a while for me to get used to some of the ways to break the rules.

The game finished 3-0 but we can take encouragement from the fact that everyone except bead face went in the bar afterwards. grin A great bunch of guys who would sit very comfortably in the Bunky's ethics table.

After all... it's ONLY about the beer!!

Oddly enough there was a prize giving in the bar afterwards for the end of some group stage stuff and I felt right at home sitting there watching all the other teams collecting their trophies...sadly though... no pork scratchings. But let me work on it, it was just my first week!

 

 

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